10 reasons being pregnant at work blows

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1. Office chairs laughably ill-designed to accommodate enormous rear.

2. Vending machines promote increased enormity of rear.

3. Bathroom is far, far away. Even when it’s not.

4. Maternity office wear designed by mean, skinny people.

5. Glass office doors prevent 3 p.m. naps.

6. Three p.m. meetings prevent 3 p.m. naps.

7. Unsuspecting colleagues baffled by irrational behavior.

8. Bosses pile on assignments before due date.

9. After-work cocktails but a distant memory.

10. Profusion of doofus comments and questions: “Look at you, you’re getting big!” “Are you…pregnant?” “So when exactly are you coming back?” “Seriously. Are you pregnant?”