This Is How Lame Clubbing Sounds When You Describe it to Investors

Check out these choice quotes from one dance club's share prospectus

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A nightclub scene, in which a large crowd is dancing with their arms in the aire silhouetted against the disco lights that highlight a mass of confetti floating in the air.

The popular Hong Kong nightclub Magnum’s Thursday IPO has soared to become one of the most coveted in the city’s history, with orders placed for 3,000 times the amount of shares available, reports the Wall Street Journal.

However, since most customers being offered first whack at scooping up the stocks are mom and pop traders not likely to frequent the swanky establishment, the phrasing of the prospectus is at pains to let the olds know what they’re buying into.

“Clubbing is a popular night time activity which has evolved from discotheques of the 1970s into a modern form of social gathering with lively music, elaborate lighting and a dance floor, supplemented by both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages,” is the prospectus’ hilariously wooden intro.

WSJ gleefully continues quoting from the document: “The aura and atmosphere of the modern clubbing scene is filled with images of people moving in unison to the beat of synthesized remixed dance and electronic music spun out [sic] by a DJ perched upon an elevated stage.”

Most of Magnum’s revenues, the club says, come from selling drinks, “generally known as alcoholic beverages served by glass and prepared by bartenders mixing different alcohol and ingredients.”

You don’t say. Those crazy kids, huh?

But the last laugh is naturally Magnum’s. With an IPO response that overwhelming, it seems like the descriptions of its core activity, however stilted, are working just fine.