Now If Only Free Beer Day Was Coming Up Too …

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Well then the gods would truly be smiling on Homer Simpsons everywhere. As things stand, upcoming faux holidays with free donut and free ice cream giveaways will have to suffice.

National Donut Day takes place on the first Friday of June every year. Join the “jelly-bration” (painful, I know) on Friday, June 4, when you can snag a free Krispy Kreme donut at participating locations (no purchase necessary), or a free donut at Dunkin’ Donuts (beverage purchase required). I guess this isn’t an either-or proposition, now is it? To do National Donut Day right, why not hit both stores, get two free donuts, and really glaze it up? It is advisable, however, to take a break in between freebies to allow for proper donut digestion, in the same way that you should wait 30 minutes after eating before going back into the water for a swim.

Hopefully, your belly is settled by the following day: Friendly’s is dishing out free scoops of ice cream from noon to 5 p.m. on Saturday, June 5.