Sing along link: http: KENNY THE BAILOUT MOOCHER
(Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: Cab Calloway

Hey folks here’s the story bout Kenny the bailout moocher
He was a low down Charlotte BAC hoochie coocher
His was the roughest toughest banking sob tale
But Kenny had an appetite as big as a securitized whale

Hidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (hidehidehideho)

He messed around with a bloke named Thain
He wanted the Merrill Bulls or he’d go completely insane
Thain took him round to Chinatown
And showed old Kenny how Wall Street gangstas kick the gong around

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Whoah (whoah)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
A hidehidehideho CDO (hidehidehideho)

Kenny had a dream bout yet another financial supermarket
It would give him things that he was needin
It would give him a palace built of gold and steel
A diamond studded learjet with platinum wheels

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho (hodehodehodehodehodehodeho)

Thain sold Ken a herd of sick cows and a boatload of subprime losses
Each meal Ken ate was full of surprising new derivative courses
Had a billion dollars worth of taxpayer nickels and dimes
He sat around and counted them all a million times

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehode-CDO (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehide-HOSED (hidehidehideho)

POOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN

KEN: Nice carpet John, should I take of my shoes?

JOHN: Use the slippers by the door.

KEN: I hear their selling Bernie’s fleet. Some nice hardware there.

JOHN: The guy is a seedy low life crook, he belongs behind bars.

KEN: Come on John, don’t be so hard on the man. He’s like all of us in a sense.

JOHN: Have a seat KEN (Pointing to COMMODE ON LEGS)

KEN: Man this place make my digs look like a Japanese bankers office.

JOHN: (Sitting in George the IV Chair) Dozo Ken-san. Every Wall Street Shogun has his castle.

KEN: So you got your bonus after all?

JOHN: How so?

KEN: You gave it to all your friends down the hall and spent the pre-installment on this fancy french hardware.

JOHN: You like that eh? It’s what we in the business call an AIG omelet.

KEN: You know John, I think I am going to go over and have a look at Bernie’s fleet.

JOHN: Shall I join you. You know China Fun is just down the block from his place.

KEN: No John, you stay here and pack this stuff up while I’m gone.

JOHN: Pack?

KEN: Yes, pack. I want you on the street by 5 PM.

JOHN: I don’t even have any shrink wrap!

KEN: The only shrink wrap you need is Dr. Schadenfreude rapping the “Bailout shuffle”

JOHN: See you in bailout hell Ken.

KEN: We are already there John. We are already there.

[One hour later]

BERNIE: Ken, you have my sympathy. People just don’t appreciate the Ponzi business model in all its subtle manifestations.

KEN: Skip the sermon Bernie, I’ll take em all.

You waltzed into the Bail Out party
Like you were sailing on an unsinkable yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was really hiding a mega Merrill subprime surprise
You had one eye on the Level III mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all those second rate Charlotte Bankers dreamed that they’d be your partner
They’d be your partner, and

You’re John Thain
And yes this song is about you
Don’t complain
I’ll bet you thought B of A could’nt live without you
Without you? Without you?

You had Ken Lewis several months ago
When he was so naive its hard to believe
Well, you said that the Thundering Herd would make an awesome notch on his sleeve
And that you John Thain would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was a 10 Million Dollar bonus snub
And good ol Ken’s grandiose dreams turned out to be clouds in his bailout coffee
Clouds in his bailout coffee, and

You’re John Thain
And yes this song is about you
You’re John Thain
I’ll bet you thought B of A couldn’t live without you
Without you? Without you?

sort of. My guess is that he was fired because he made some enemies who had the documentary proof (which Gasparino cites in his article) that Thain spent lavishly on himself, and were going to go public with it. Here are two prime ‘leak’ suspects (from the Gasparino piece)…

Thain has come under pressure in recent weeks after several top executives at Merrill, including brokerage chief Bob McCann and investment banking head Greg Fleming, abruptly resigned from the firm citing differences with Thain

I don’t buy the “$15 million dollar loss” explanation, not when BoA got billions from Paulson to “buy” Merrill Lynch (” $138 billion in government assistance, including the infusion of $20 billion from the federal government”). I mean, lets face it, whats another $15 million when you’re talking billions of dollars. And lest we forget, those losses were made public a month ago.

Basically, it looks like Lewis fired Thain because Thain was about to become the poster boy for financial industry executive excess, and a public embarrassment for BoA look bad, and Lewis knows he’s going to have to have to go back to the public trough before this is all over. (Indeed, one suspects that Lewis might be trying to pre-empt questions about his own lavish spending….)