The lighter side of job retraining

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Since we’ll probably all be joining the ranks of the unemployed in the coming months, it’s nice to know that that there are ironic pleasures to be had at the employment office. From a friend of a friend (yes, it’s an actual person; the educational-video connoisseurs among you may even be able to figure out who it is):

So I had to go to an “employment reeducation orientation session” (how sinister sounding is that?) at the NJ Dept of Labor today in order to be eligible for benefits. The centerpiece of the two hour session was a video entitled “Resume Writing: A How To Guide” produced by–you guessed it!–yours truly. “This,” I say to myself, “is irony;” and I am pleased because I’m a connoisseur of irony. Plus, it’s not a bad show, if memory serves.

I glow with a secret delight as I watch in the semi darkness, a superman in a room full of hapless Clark Kents. I soon notice to my annoyance, though, that the guy next to me is fast asleep, and we’re not even five minutes in. I do a discreet survey of the room, and of the 20 odd folks there, at least three are in full REM, four or five more are fighting hard but their lids are drooping, and the rest have a glassy, dull-eyed look, as if they cannot fathom how they ended up in this miserable place. One dear soul–from the looks of her someone’s unneeded admin–is taking notes. Silently, I bless her.

When the program’s over, I opt to keep my secret identity a secret. I am given information about how to become certified as a forklift driver. And I am allowed to go home.