Baby Cullen’s C.V.

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KANA EDYTHE CULLEN

Goal: Week-old baby seeks position requiring no particular skills.

Education: None. Not a drop.

Experience: Nine months gestation.

Skills: As mentioned, none in particular. Can see, hear and flail. Recent acquisition of ability to extract milk from breast. Proven proficiency in hiccups.

Salary requirements: Eleventeen bajillion dollars, or roughly the cost of college tuition in 18 years.

References: Mommy, Daddy and big sister Mika. On second thought, scratch the last one; reference was last heard asking to return this job applicant to Mommy’s belly. Please instead refer to below photos to verify applicant’s puffy-cheeked, frowny-browed cuteness—surely a boost to office morale.

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