KANA EDYTHE CULLEN
Goal: Week-old baby seeks position requiring no particular skills.
Education: None. Not a drop.
Experience: Nine months gestation.
Skills: As mentioned, none in particular. Can see, hear and flail. Recent acquisition of ability to extract milk from breast. Proven proficiency in hiccups.
Salary requirements: Eleventeen bajillion dollars, or roughly the cost of college tuition in 18 years.
References: Mommy, Daddy and big sister Mika. On second thought, scratch the last one; reference was last heard asking to return this job applicant to Mommy’s belly. Please instead refer to below photos to verify applicant’s puffy-cheeked, frowny-browed cuteness—surely a boost to office morale.
