Where my baby-mama gift at?

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Never mind the precious peanut. Where my damn diamonds? (BTW, this is us in 2004; I didn’t just go have a baby and blog the same day.)

I so did not get a push present. And believe me, my pregnancy and delivery bit.

Gifts for new mothers are all the rage these days, say propoganda sites like BabyCenter.com. Said The New York Times yesterday:

In a more innocent age, new mothers generally considered their babies to be the greatest gift imaginable. Today, they are likely to want some sort of tangible bonus as well.

This bonus goes by various names. Some call it the “baby mama gift.” Others refer to it as the “baby bauble.” But it’s most popularly known as the “push present.”

That’s “push” as in, “I the mother, having been through the wringer and pushed out this blessed event, hereby claim my reward.” Or “push” as in, “I’ve delivered something special and now I’m pushing you, my husband/boyfriend, to follow suit.”

This is offensive on so many levels I don’t know where to begin. Yes, I do. First off, no one I know got diamond baubles or pricey art work just for having a baby. Secondly, no mom I know would ever demand such a thing as the price of pushing out a pup. But thirdly, if a new daddy wanted, on his own volition, to bestow his honey with a token of his love and appreciation, what the hell is wrong with that? Fourth, the article denies it, but this smacks of one more corporate plot to invent another gift-giving occasion.

Clara Jeffery of Mother Jones captures my sentiment exactly in a blog post titled, “Here’s Your Damn Baby, Now Where Are My #@%&ing Diamond Earrings?”

It is not the fact that Moms are getting a token of their hard work that bugs me, it is that you know that the diamond industry has their hands in this. Just as they invented a “tradition” of diamond wedding rings, the “three months salary” rule, and the “three-stone anniversary ring.” Hey, you can hear DeBeers’ pitchmen saying: Why not a carat for each pound of baby? Don’t you care, Dad?

Here’s the push present I’d want: sleep.