I got evaluated this year for the first time in my nearly seven years at TIME. It was pretty painless; my immediate supervisor is a laid-back kinda guy, and he basically gave me a thumbs up and that was that. It was over so quickly that I found myself trying to use the time to ask about how the magazine was doing, what goals I should set for the coming year, what skills I should work on, what new management wanted. I’m pretty sure I talked more than my boss did. I left feeling relieved I’d missed a whupping, but also a little dissatisfied.
A lot of folks think employee evaluations are a waste of time, according to a recent survey in the U.K. According to the BBC,
Investors in People, which works to improve workplace relations and staff development, said appraisals could be “enormously beneficial” for motivating staff and making them feel wanted but only if done properly.
However,
Its survey of 2,900 workers found that 29% of people felt the experience was a waste of time, while 44% believed their appraiser had been dishonest. Other concerns include managers failing to address issues raised and a lack of continuous feedback during the year.
So tell me: have you had an evaluation that you felt was really on the mark and improved your job performance? Alternatively, have you had a horrible one that snuffed out the last flickering flame of your company loyalty?
Below are some notes by supervisors on employee job evaluations from Gavel2gavel.com. I don’t believe they’re real, mainly because I doubt most managers are smart enough to produce such witticisms. But they’re funny all the same.
1. This person is not really so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t-be.
2. To hear him speak, his accomplishments are so big they can only be compared to that of a black hole in space — unfortunately, neither have been confirmed to exist.
3. Create a new title to make him feel appreciated, e.g., jester, dunce, former employee, etc.
4. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train just isn’t coming.
5. A clock watcher who’s in a different time zone than the rest of us.
6. He’s so dense, light bends around him.
7. This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better.
8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
10. Is still able to get the job done — if someone else helps.