Happy Boss Day. Seriously.

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So here’s how I imagine this taking shape. The bigwigs at Hallmark are sitting around, brainstorming more occasions that would necessitate cards.

BIGWIG 1: So we’ve got Secretaries Day, Favorite Colleague Day, Bonus Day…

BIGWIG 2: How come we never get any cards?

BIGWIG 3: Huh?

BIGWIG 2: We give out cards all the time. How come nobody ever gives the boss a card?

TABLE OF BIGWIGS: Eureka!

I didn’t pick up a card for my bosses. It’s not that I don’t like them. But I think I’d be laughed out of the room and branded an incurable suck-up if I bounced in to thank a guy for being my boss. It ain’t natural.

If you, too, suffer from my jaundiced view of the work world, Jeffrey Yamaguchi’s book Working For the Man: Inspiring and Subversive Projects For Residents of Cubicle Land is probably for you. (It hits shelves Nov. 6.; look for it on Yamaguchi’s web site) Below he offers us some ideas of what Boss Day greeting cards could say, if he were to write them. Safe bet no bigwig from Hallmark will be calling him anytime soon. For more, check out his other site.

Got any of your own? Show your gratitude toward your boss in the comments below. Advice: don’t sign your name.

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR BOSS ON BOSS DAY
By Jeffrey Yamaguchi

“Thanks for ‘working from home’ so much.”

“Thanks for giving me that copy of Who Moved My Cheese? — I was able to use it as a joke gift at a recent party.”

“Thanks for speaking up so frequently at the all-hands meetings, thereby revealing to everyone in the company just how bad your ideas can be.”

“Thanks for taking credit on that project that ended up going south.”

“Thanks for calling me during my vacation — I knew something was missing, and when all that work stress flooded back into my core, I figured it out immediately.”

“Thanks for getting on that jury that ended up being sequestered.”

“Thanks for using your expense account to buy our holiday gifts — at least we got something decent this year.”

“Thanks for ‘running late’ so often and causing our never-ending staff meetings to be cancelled.”

“Thanks for dancing like that at the office party and even giving the thumbs up while I captured the whole thing on video with my cell phone.”

“Thanks for leaving that threatening, out-of-control, vulgar, totally inappropriate message on my voice mail, which I have converted to an mp3 and email around to friends and colleagues (and for which they in turn forward on to their friends and colleagues).”

“Thanks for all the keen insights on how NOT to manage people.”

“Thanks for always thinking of us. We’ve come to love and cherish the leftover danish from your meetings, given that that’s about all we ever get. Happy Boss’s Day!”

“Thanks for running such a tip top ship.From the copy machine on up, this place is simply out of order. Happy Boss’s Day!”

“Thanks for always keeping me in the loop. For example, I love how you come by my desk and tell me the coffee pot is empty, every damn time. Happy Boss’s Day!”

“Thanks for always stepping in front and taking the lead. You really know how to take credit for everyone else’s ideas and hard work. Happy Boss’s Day!”

“Thanks for all your efforts. Such as the way you can just keep on talking about absolutely nothing and make those staff meetings drag on forever, to the point where everyone just wants to stab their own eyeballs out. Happy Boss’s Day!”

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